Why China’s women abandon marriage – Zhang Lijia

 

Zhang Lijia

China’s government is trying to encourage giving birth to children and marriage to offset a fast-aging population. But author Zhang Lijia discovered on a tour in the country China’s women abandon the idea of getting married, she writes in the South China Morning Post. “I believe this trend is driven by educated urban women. It is in line with the trajectories of more developed countries. Once women have a good education and good jobs, they become less keen on marriage,” she writes.

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Zhang Lijia:

Fewer people are getting married. For nine years after the 2013 peak, China’s marriage rate declined every year, from 2014 to 2022. It rose last year but the general trend, I am afraid, remains downward.

I believe this trend is driven by educated urban women. It is in line with the trajectories of more developed countries. Once women have a good education and good jobs, they become less keen on marriage.

I understand the practical reasons behind the hesitation to get married in China – financial insecurity, high living costs and expectations such as of the prospective husband providing the marital home – but what matters more is the changing attitude. Plenty of assertive young women no longer see marriage as a necessary rite of passage or ingredient of happiness. Unlike my grandma, young women today have a lot more agency.

And they care more about the quality of marriage. Unlike my mother, such women do not hesitate to leave unhappy marriages. Indeed, more divorces are filed by women.

In most cities, divorce has become more socially accepted, although some among the older generation still think it’s shameful. More than 18 years ago, when I broke the news to my mother that I was getting a divorce, she was heartbroken. Once again, she started to nag me about looking for a man. “A woman is nothing without a man,” she asserted.

I was a divorcee, but I was also a published author with books around the world, had lectured at top universities such as Harvard and been interviewed by the BBC. Was I still a nobody simply because I didn’t have a husband? I swallowed these words, knowing there was no point arguing with her. Until her passing five years ago, my mother kept my single status a “secret”.

What is helping more women reject marriage is the more liberal attitude towards sex. In cities these days, sex before marriage has become common practice.

Also in Shanghai, I interviewed a successful businesswoman, a single mother. Some eight years ago, when she found herself pregnant from a fling, she decided to keep the child because she figured her child would be more likely to love her than a husband. She has never regretted this decision.

Since my youth, China has come a long way, not just in its economic development but also in its enlightened social attitudes. After all, women have the right to make choices that reflect their desires.

Do I still want to get married? Not particularly – unless I meet someone I am madly in love with.

More in the South China Morning Post.