Weblog with daily updates of the news on a frugal, fair and beautiful China, from the perspective of internet entrepreneur, new media advisor and president of the China Speakers Bureau Fons Tuinstra
China’s government is trying to encourage giving birth to children and marriage to offset a fast-aging population. But author Zhang Lijia discovered on a tour in the country China’s women abandon the idea of getting married, she writes in the South China Morning Post. “I believe this trend is driven by educated urban women. It is in line with the trajectories of more developed countries. Once women have a good education and good jobs, they become less keen on marriage,” she writes.
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Zhang Lijia:
Fewer people are getting married. For nine years after the 2013 peak, China’s marriage rate declined every year, from 2014 to 2022. It rose last year but the general trend, I am afraid, remains downward.
I believe this trend is driven by educated urban women. It is in line with the trajectories of more developed countries. Once women have a good education and good jobs, they become less keen on marriage.
I understand the practical reasons behind the hesitation to get married in China – financial insecurity, high living costs and expectations such as of the prospective husband providing the marital home – but what matters more is the changing attitude. Plenty of assertive young women no longer see marriage as a necessary rite of passage or ingredient of happiness. Unlike my grandma, young women today have a lot more agency.
And they care more about the quality of marriage. Unlike my mother, such women do not hesitate to leave unhappy marriages. Indeed, more divorces are filed by women.
In most cities, divorce has become more socially accepted, although some among the older generation still think it’s shameful. More than 18 years ago, when I broke the news to my mother that I was getting a divorce, she was heartbroken. Once again, she started to nag me about looking for a man. “A woman is nothing without a man,” she asserted.
I was a divorcee, but I was also a published author with books around the world, had lectured at top universities such as Harvard and been interviewed by the BBC. Was I still a nobody simply because I didn’t have a husband? I swallowed these words, knowing there was no point arguing with her. Until her passing five years ago, my mother kept my single status a “secret”.
What is helping more women reject marriage is the more liberal attitude towards sex. In cities these days, sex before marriage has become common practice.
Also in Shanghai, I interviewed a successful businesswoman, a single mother. Some eight years ago, when she found herself pregnant from a fling, she decided to keep the child because she figured her child would be more likely to love her than a husband. She has never regretted this decision.
Since my youth, China has come a long way, not just in its economic development but also in its enlightened social attitudes. After all, women have the right to make choices that reflect their desires.
Do I still want to get married? Not particularly – unless I meet someone I am madly in love with.
China’s government tries to raise the number of newborns to offset an aging population, but the latest demographics show Chinese do not follow that lead as the country’s birthrate is dropping. People choose to make a different choice, explains social commentator Zhang Lijia in the Guardian. “And society has become more tolerant.”
The Guardian:
Zhang Lijia, a writer, journalist and social commentator, said there was a change in attitude and many women – especially urban-living and highly educated – no longer regarded marriage and parenthood as “necessary passages in life or the essential ingredients of a happy life”.
“In another word, it is about choice. Better education, higher income and more career options grant these women the freedom to choose a lifestyle they desire. They are assertive enough to resist the pressure from their parents to produce children. And the society is more tolerant than before.”
China's second wives account officially for one third of the country's luxury consumption, says Tom Doctoroffin the Huffington Post, and elaborates on the distinction between marriage and sex in China.
Because China has never had a humanist revolution, sex and marriage have always been relatively divorced. That is why many Asian cultures have an immensely commercialised and categorised [sex industry]. The way they separate the two is quite stunning - the choices are up on neon boards like a McDonald's menu...
Second Wives [like flashy brands] because they have to display that their man is dedicated to them. They lead very insecure lives. They are not independent and need to advertise the fact they have a sponsor.
